The Voices In My Head – By Mark Carson

I know the voices in my head aren’t real, but at least one of them usually tells me what I want to hear.

You know the anonymous “they” of “They say”? (They say the best way to lose weight is…”) Yeah, “Them”… “They” are all in my head.

I know I need to exercise and eat right to get the body I want; but who do I listen to? Seriously, it is like a presidential election; Lots of different opinions all arguing about the best way to do something.  And there is no way for me to tell which ones have a clue and which ones don’t.  There is always someone in there who will tell me that it is not my fault.  Someone will tell me I’m not that fat.  There is always someone in there to tell me there is a secret that will make it fast and easy.

There is always someone in here to give me permission.  “The all you can eat buffet is a great deal, right?”  (I think that one is Gingrich) “I don’t have to think about what I’m doing until Monday because diets and exercise programs only work when started on magic Mondays, right?” (I could never get the hang of Thursdays)

Which diet should I be on?  I listened to the voices as I went through the diet section at Hastings (The fact that Hastings HAS a diet section…). They all called to me, each diet guru claiming to have THE ONE TRUE ANSWER: Low Fat, Brown Fat, Belly fat, Flat-Belly, Flavor point, Fast Food, Fresh Fruit, Raw Food, Grapefruit, No Fruit, Cabbage Soup, Baby food, Body for Life, Thin For Life, Best Life, Big Breakfast, Biggest Loser, Paleo, Rice Solution, Lemonade, Cookie. Morning Banana, Protein Power, 6-pack, 5-Factor, 3-Hour, Alkaline, (Am I a battery?)17-Day, 4-day flush, 3-Day, Fruit Flush, Blood Type, Personality Type, Sugar Busters, Carb-Lovers, Cheaters, Perricone, Pritkin, Naturally Thin, Jenny Craig, Weight watchers, Nutrisystem, Zone, South Beach, LA Weight Loss, Beverly Hills, Park Avenue, Vegetarian, Hormone, Hallelujah, HCG, High School Reunion, High School Musical, Mediterranean. French Women, Model, Medifast, This is why you are fat.

I think there is a Johnny Cash song in there somewhere re-made by Mc Donald. (bad joke, but so are most of those diets)

It is no wonder we don’t have a clue what to eat.  Dr. Atkins disagrees with Dr. Weil, and Dr Laura thinks Dr. Phil has “Stupid” written on his forehead. Add congress declaring pizza a legal vegetable, and there is always a voice telling me what I want to hear.  One of them will give me permission to wimp out, I just know it. After all a waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Then there are the exercise routines…Really? How to figure THAT one out? Crossfit? Thighmaster? Stair-monster? Pilates? That hippity-hop ball?  Strata-lounger? Bike? Step? BodyPump? Yoga? Is the human body REALLY meant bend that way?  Every magazine has pictures of some celebrity who makes more money per movie than most Americans will make this decade.  The guys are all ripped.  The women have better defined abs than I do.  And a voice from the back chimes in with, “Why bother? You are never going to look like that. Who has that much time?”

How about JUST ONE VOICE?  Not a website, not a book, not a DVD, not uTube, but an actual, live voice) The voice of someone educated? Certified? One voice to quiet all the others.  Your friends at Gold’s Gym of Wenatchee and Eastmont are here to give you just that; someone who has forgotten more about exercise than most people ever learn.  We are here to GIVE you a GAME PLAN so you know which machines to use and when.  We are here to sit down with you for a personal STRATEGY SESSION to build a COMPLETELY CUSTOM program for YOU. (YOUR body, YOUR history, YOUR aches and pains)    

Because NOT getting help at the gym, (especially when it is so freely available) would just be crazy.